journey

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Part 2…a new adventure…

Our life is speaking to us all the time…but for many of us, we doubt the messages and doubt ourselves. We have a voice in our head or a movie we play over and over telling us we are not enough or that we can’t or shouldn’t do something. In October of 2014, despite the “little voice in my head”, I chose to follow my heart and embark on an 8 week journey to transform my life. And much like Luke in Star Wars, I too had to “feel the force” (I’ve always wanted to quote that line, love it…) and trust that I was in the right place at the right time.images (1)

As I explained in my previous post, I was in overwhelm mode not only at work but at home too. Something had to give. Burning the candle at both ends for too long leads to illness or even worse and I knew I was headed down that road soon. Thankfully, I listened to my intuition, took a chance and invested in myself. I signed up to take the “Creative Insight Journey” with Jennifer Grace. An 8 week transformational class based off the Stanford University’s Masters Degree course “Creativity in Business”.

Have you ever clicked SUBMIT for something on-line and then said to yourself “oh crap! What did I just commit too?” Well…that was me! After I committed to the class I doubted myself. I asked myself…”Would I really learn anything new? Will I be able to dedicate 2 hours a week to the class? Should I really be spending this money on myself?” But after speaking with Jennifer, I knew in my heart this was my next step.

For the next 8 weeks, I learned tools that I never imagined could create such a dramatic shift in my spirit and in my thoughts. I did exercises that reconnected me to my intuition, my spirit and my dreams. In essence, I found me again. Who knew?! I didn’t even realize I was lost.

The class ended in December 2014 and I was so impressed by the materials and the shift I had created that I was telling everyone about the class and sharing what I had learned. I was so excited that I bet my friends and family thought I was a little crazy…

Then Divine intervention graced my world once again when Jennifer Grace reached out for me to see if I was interested in her certification program to become a coach for the Creative Insight Journey. Something inside yelled “YES!!!” And I listened! Now, I will not lie and say I didn’t have doubts or worry about how it would work, how I would find the money, yada yada yada. I am a Kramer (my maiden name) and worrying is in the blood. But now I had tools to release the worry and JUST DO IT!!! Nike sure came up with a good one there…

The idea that I am lucky enough to share this program with others and help them create shifts in their lives blows my mind. If I can bless the lives of others, then one person at a time we can heal people, relationships, families, companies, towns, cities and the whole world! This journey is being launched in multiple cities and in 3 other countries. Incredible!

And what I am moved by the most with this program is that it gets you back in touch with our innate true selves…LOVE! Which is the theme of my blog – oh the irony! There simply are no coincidences. If you are interested in learning more about the Creative Insight Journey please click here.

My favorite moment during the Creative Insight Journey was when I came to the realizationnew mindset that my life was running me rather than me managing my life. I let the “voice in my head” rule the roost for far too long and it was time to take back control of myself – my thoughts and my emotions!

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”  

– Buddha

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To a new adventure…

Loving the journey to a new adventure…

Over a year has passed since my last post, April 8, 2014 and it’s hard to believe where life is headed these days. I am so excited to once again be dedicated to my blog and although the theme of LOVE has not changed, the meaning changed a bit.

To recap for any followers who might be so inclined to read my blog again, last year was a monumental year in my LOVE journey. My post in April last year was about lessons coming back around and they sure did in a big way all year. My quest for nurturing self-love as part of my journey came to a screeching halt when my life began to shift into chaos mode. Everyone has been there I’m sure.

You wake up and rush to get ready for work, get the kids ready, get out the door, drop them off at school, rush to work, focus on a to-do list that is far bigger than the hours you have to complete it, rush home, make dinner, bath time, story time, bed time, clean-up time, prep for lunches the next day, grab the laptop and focus more on the to do list for another hour or two and fall into bed exhausted at 11:00pm or later just to repeat the whole routine in the morning. Every morning. Even typing it sounds feels exhausting. Then add a preschooler that wakes up twice a night and you can add operating on delirious to the list.

By the time the weekend comes, you hope to squeeze in a little bit of fun while running all the errands of groceries, household shopping, laundry, cleaning, post office and pet supplies, etc. I am sure that many families with both parents working full time out of the home experience the same thing. The same “rat wheel” every day.

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Someone snapped this pic at my desk as a joke, but this was ME! Totally OVERWHELMED!

 I felt like I was losing my sanity. Always forgetting things and always rushing, rushing, rushing! Now add that routine to the culture where I was working, a toxic and negative environment to say the least and I found myself burning the candle at both ends. By June 2014, I was feeling the pressure and something had to give. My marriage was suffering and I didn’t like hearing our 3-year-old tell me “Mom, put your phone down”. I was always working and if I wasn’t working, I felt the stress of work.

One day was particularly challenging and I stepped onto the patio by my office to get some fresh air and take a break from the madness. Praying for guidance, I grabbed my iphone and clicked on Hayhouse Radio – a free motivational channel I turned to a lot for growth and support. (Click here to listen) There was a show on with Jennifer Grace and the first words I heard her say were “this is why I love what I do, I love helping people find their destiny and purpose”. I had never heard of her before but somehow I knew…that intuition kicking in again…that I needed to reach out for this woman because she would be able to help me.

She was offering an 8-week program called “The Creative Insight Journey” and it was starting in a few weeks. I did some research as I over think and over analyze almost everything…LOL. I absolutely loved what I read and signed up! Come October 2014, I was starting my new adventure…an 8 week transformational course to change my life…

Hoping you continue to tune in….

Blessings and love,

Victoriahearts

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Lessons coming back around….April 8, 2014

The more time I spend meditating and reflecting on my life, the lessons I have learned and the ones I am still struggling with, I am reminded that the lessons we are meant to learn in this life will just keep coming back around until we finally get it. Each time the lesson has to come around again, it will be a little louder and a little louder until we decide that it’s time once and for all to learn the lesson.

So, for me, once again, I feel the lesson of learning to love myself coming back around. With some current challenges I am facing with my career, relationships and myself…I am realizing this is a tough one for me. Not because I have low self-esteem (a 90’s buzz word) or because I don’t have the desire to love myself but more because of our culture in the US. Like many women, I was “trained” by society to believe that loving yourself is self-centered & egotistical…and I don’t know of anyone that wants to be around people that only love themselves. But just like the old saying “everything in moderation” – there is a fine line and balance to loving yourself in a healthy way.

When I actually think about loving myself and the challenges I see when I look in the mirror – it’s almost too big of a goal to say “just love yourself Victoria”. Okay, but how do I go about that? Then I thought what does self-LOVE look like or more importantly – what does LOVE FEEL like? The kind of love that is unconditional – the way God loves us. Then I thought of what actions/feelings could I offer myself that would SHOW me love and I came up with…

1. Acceptance: celebrating myself for my talents and strengths RATHER THAN beating myself up for my flaws and mistakes (this is a big one for me)

2. Patience: allowing myself the time to change my thinking around how to love myself RATHER THAN reminding myself I haven’t changed fast enough

3. Comfort: – start seeking comfort, support and love from within RATHER THAN looking outside myself or to others to fulfill this for me

I think asking others to “make you happy” or to “complete you” puts undo pressure on them and then in essence you are saying that you are not happy with yourself and not complete on your own. This is such a fine line in relationships…the idea that we need someone to make us happy.

I have written in previous posts about the signs that are all around us every day guiding us and showing us our path. Since my last post several weeks ago, I have seen the signs LOUD and CLEAR! “Victoria – you need to love and accept yourself”. I have tuned into HayHouse Radio and the first words were from Doreen Virtue talking about looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you love and accept who you are today, right now. On my facebook news feed there have been postings of “to truly love another, you first have to love yourself” and “love is the key to happiness”. So the signs are showing up and I am listening…

And if we are to love ourselves with acceptance, patience and comfort – I started thinking “shouldn’t we love those dear to us the same way”? I have written a lot in my posts on this blog about the people in our lives that are “difficult” to love. Those that truly challenge us in ways that is sometimes frustrating. We wonder why, why, why does this relationship have to be so tough? And we start thinking “couldn’t they just do this…or couldn’t they just be this way…” then things would be easier. But the truth is that all of our relationships have a purpose. There are lessons hidden in the day to day challenges and any conflict we are experiencing can be seen as a reflection of what we ourselves might be struggling with internally.

To give an example, let’s say you want your spouse to be more attentive and affectionate with you. And you spend so much time thinking “if only he/she would hug me more or tell me they love me more, I would be happier” – or whatever it is…and the more you think these thoughts the more it doesn’t happen and the more frustrated you get in the relationship. You start feeling like maybe you aren’t loved at all and meanwhile your spouse is pulling further and further away. You see…there is a dance that we all fall into when it comes to relationships and many times without us even knowing it – and the dance goes: “you do for me, then I will do for you”. Then we convince ourselves that the reason we aren’t happy is because they didn’t “do for me”. We start placing conditions on how we respond to and treat the person we so desperately what to feel loved by and we don’t realize that real change has to start with ourselves, not them.

And that’s the hardest realization for us. The truth that stares back at us from the mirror – all change that is worth the struggle has to come from within first. We have to “Be the change you want to see in the world”*…and as we work to BE THE CHANGE, the ripple effect will touch those closest to us. So back to my example, if you want more attention or affection from your spouse, show them by your actions how you want to be loved. Rather than you pulling away and blaming them for not loving you the way you want them to – you start loving them the way you want to be loved. The way you should LOVE yourself: with acceptance, patience and comfort. It has to have an effect…an object in motion will remain in motion…right? Seeds being planted will grow. It might take time, but the key is to BE THE CHANGE you want to see in the world, in your relationships, in your career, in your parenting, in all aspects of your life and the ripple effect may just surprise you.

(SIDE NOTE: I am not condoning or supporting relationships that are abusive or neglectful and I believe no one should stay in a relationship that involves any form of abuse or neglect – just wanted to mention this just in case)

So I am committed to a new DAILY affirmation that I will say to myself in the mirror every morning with a smile on my face (smiling at yourself in the mirror really does make you feel better).

“I AM powerful! I AM unique! I AM created in God’s image and I LOVE the woman I AM TODAY! I love all my talents and all my flaws because I am on a journey. I accept myself for who I AM today and I am joyful for the person God is creating me TO BE!”  It might sound and feel strange at first but I bet I will notice a SHIFT in my spirit after a week or two…

I hope everyone reading this post that is hard on themselves for any mistakes or flaws can accept themselves today, give themselves a break and say “I LOVE YOU” to the beautiful face in the mirror!

Blessings,
Victoria

*Not sure who I am quoting this from but have heard it many times.

 

 

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Update 2013 – Part 2

(Continuation of the post from Jan. 8th, for background on this post, please read that post first if this is your first time to this page, thank you.)

In October (2013), I began my journey to the Enchantment Resort in Sedona, AZ. From the moment I told my Aunt I was going it was difficult to concentrate on anything else. What was I going to learn? What would I experience? What treatments should I schedule?

My Aunt had booked a package where you received one free treatment per day of our visit. Before booking my treatments I prayed that the right ones would come my way – the ones that would really help me figure out what was holding me back and what my purpose is  – the ones that would give me the answers I was looking for in my life. When I called to book the appointments, two of the sessions I was hoping to book were not available so I trusted the gal helping me and I booked my appointments: Ayurvedic Lifestyle Reading, Psychic Massage, Reiki Healing, and Stress Relief Assessment. I was set….

First, I have to say that I have not left my baby girl, almost 2 at the time, for more than 2 days since she was born and even that was only once. This was going to be a Friday through Monday – yikes! I had more anxiety about leaving her than anything else. But I reminded myself that in my heart I knew I needed this trip to essentially “save” me. Save me from the swirling, repeating thoughts that were keeping me up at night, save me from the “my life is running me syndrome” and save me from the daily grind that was not fulfilling.

The trip was upon me and I even packed minimally, which is new for me. But my goal was to reconnect, reconnect, reconnect and be open so I didn’t stress about anything I packed. My trip to get there is actually a very long story from a 2 hour flight delay to a shuttle delay to getting lost, etc. which was an odd way to start the weekend that I knew would change my life. But ironic at the same time…almost as if the universe had lessons for me right from the start.

From the moment we entered the property, I heard this soft music playing and immediately felt a strange calmness. When I arrived, the staff at the main check-in desk knew who I was as my cousin and a good friend were calling everyone to keep them posted of my VERY late arrival and ordeal. These girls are AWESOME!!! I arrived in the dark so I really had no idea how incredible the property was until the next morning. The staff drove me by cart to our incredible suite which even had a kitchen so the girls had dinner ready with cocktails – NICE! We sat together and laughed at my story about the crazy circumstances surrounding my arrival – and I mean crazy!

The next morning, with little sleep, I awoke with so much enthusiasm and excitement that I didn’t even feel tired. I walked out to our patio and I was in total awe of my surroundings. The red rock mountains surrounding my view, the cool crisp morning air, the sun gleaming through the fog ever so softly…I remember feeling this overwhelming sense that I was in the right place at the right time. I took deep breaths and felt so calm and excited at the same time as I began to think what I might learn about myself at my first appointment.

All the girls had booked early treatments or hikes so we were all up and rushing around. Oddly, I had hurt my knee the night before I left so I was not able to join the vortex hikes like I had planned – another twist that in the end put me where I needed to be…taking advantage of all the resort spa had to offer: pools, meditation rooms, sauna, hot tub, etc.

Now the remarkable, minute by minute details surrounding each treatment are far too long to explain here. This post is already very long. But so much happened that changed my life, I find it necessary to share the biggest lessons and details that lead to my current journey…

Part III coming soon….

View from our patio in Sedona, AZ, October 2013

View from our patio in Sedona, AZ, October 2013